Heteronormativity

Heteronormativity ... it's a big word, and it isn't even listed in my wordpress dictionary, even though it's been around since 1991.  You may have heard of it, you may not have ... if you take a close look you can probably figure out what it means.  Let's break it down:

Hetero: as in heterosexual.  Y'know, Man + Woman.

Normativity: as in what's viewed as normal.  Y'know ... Man + Woman = "Normal"

Put more eloquently:

"Heteronormativity is any of a set of lifestyle norms that hold that people fall into distinct and complementary genders (man and woman) with natural roles in life. It also holds that heterosexuality is the normal sexual orientation, and states that sexual and marital relations are most (or only) fitting between a man and a woman. Consequently, a "heteronormative" view is one that involves alignment of biological sex, sexuality, gender identity, and gender roles.^{" (Wikipedia)}

Simply put, "heteronormativity" explains the way we straight people* assume that the way we are is "normal" and everyone else is not normal.  It helps us to paint a pretty little picture of the world, dividing it along lines of "him" and "her".  It tells us when we're behaving as expected, and it certainly helps us to raise the alarm when someone isn't following the rules.

[Note: This reference is to "straight people" *whose biological sex (male or female) + sexual orientation (heterosexual) + gender identity (man or woman) + gender roles (behaviour, clothing, preferences, etc as dictated by society) all line up into a pretty picture of congruence.]

So, what happens when someone doesn't follow the rules?  I can't tell you from first hand experience (I'm one of those straight people with the pretty picture of congruence).  However, I have many LGBT friends, and I know that for many of them, just being themselves in our heteronormative world is a challenge.  The male/female/him/her dichotomy rules our world.  Just look at the frenzy of attention received by a Toronto family who have chosen to withhold the gender of their youngest child, and raise the child as a "genderless" individual rather than as a "him" or a "her".  If you haven't heard about Storm, you can read a well-written article about the baby here.

The response to Storm has been as varied as the individuals reading the article.  Some are shocked and upset: “Never has an article left me so upset. These parents are turning their children into a bizarre lab experiment,” (ParentCentral.ca).  Others are embracing the family's efforts as a refreshing and progressive step towards acceptance:

“To the people who question it as a social experiment, I say that breaking social norms is not synonymous with bad parenting. Many modern practices were frowned upon as a social experiment once,” RyderJH commented on thestar.com, pointing to interracial friendships and teaching girls to read and have career ambitions as examples.
(Emphasis added, ParentCentral.ca)

So, what do you think?  Is this family on to something, taking a chance at raising their child in a progressive way, giving the child an opportunity to develop as an individual rather than a socially constructed "man" or "woman"?  Or are they setting their child(ren) up for countless problems down the road?

Leave your comments below, or send me a message.  I look forward to hearing from you!

- Candice :)

We Live in a Beautiful World!

Good morning, sunshine!

Last night's workshop was entitled "Sexual Diversity & LGBTQ" and featured a phenomenal guest speaker.  Seventeen youth (biggest turnout yet!), lots of dialogue and plenty of great questions made for a productive and meaningful workshop.  My guest speaker gave the youth an opportunity to listen and talk to someone who has "been there" and I am happy to say that they didn't hesitate to take full advantage of her experience and knowledge.

I opened the discussion with "What do you think of when I say 'sexual diversity'?".  We talked about what different words mean to different people and how easily words can hurt and offend.  We also discussed how difficult it can be to struggle with something so fundamental to who you are as your sexual orientation; my guest speaker talked about her experience with internalized homophobia and the process of accepting herself as someone who did not identify as heterosexual.  I, like many of the youth, felt inspired and awed to talk with someone who has come through so much and, despite everything, is such a compassionate and loving person.

It was absolutely great!

Last night was Week 8 ... only two more sessions left!  This workshop has been phenomenal ... far better than I had ever anticipated!  The feedback from both the youth and the OYC staff has been consistently positive, and I've noticed a major improvement in the willingness of the youth to open up and talk about sex and everything related to it.  What a huge success!

Next week is all about communication ... I-statements, communicating clearly, saying what you mean and being honest with yourself and your partner(s).  I will have another guest co-facilitator.  He is also an amazing individual and someone who I can count on to help me role-model and facilitate discussion with the youth.

Stay tuned!