Love

Happy Valentine's Day!

I've been "writing" this post in my head for several days, unsure of how to word it or what exactly to say. I know what I want to talk about, but sometimes these things don't go exactly as planned. Take this introduction, for example. How do I adequately introduce such a significant and deep topic as love? I will start with a story ...

A few weeks ago, a friend asked me to contribute to something he is creating for his partner for Valentine's Day. In order to participate, my contribution required me to consider a seemingly simple question: "What does love mean to me?" At the time, I thought "Oh sure, that will be easy!" However,  the more I thought about it, the more I realized that his question was anything but simple.

For one, there are so many varying opinions on what love is, types of love, purposes or functions of love, definitions of love, and so on, that I didn't really know where to start. In his book The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis divides love into four categories based on four Greek words for love: affection, friendship, eros, and charity.

Another theory, which I distinctly remember learning in university, was developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg. Sternberg postulates that there are three components of love, and that these interact with each other to form seven different love experiences (with nonlove being the absence of all three components).

Personally, I really like Sternberg's theory. It incorporates several aspects of what I see as essential to the experience of love. Sternberg acknowledges the wide range of love many of us experience throughout our lives, and his theory also recognizes that there is more to love than simply having feelings for another person.

According to Sternberg, the three components of love are:

[caption id="attachment_3228" align="alignright" width="248"] Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love[/caption]

1) Intimacy: feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness and bondedness

2) Passion: encompasses feelings of limerence (adoration with the intense desire to have your feelings reciprocated) and sexual attraction

3) Commitment: the decision to remain with your partner (short term) as well as shared achievements and plans made together (long term)

As you can see, Sternberg's theory places each component at the vertices of a triangle. Each component interacts with the others, leading to seven different kinds of love experiences. The size of the triangle represents the "amount" of love, while the shape represents the style of love. Both of these tend to vary over the course of a relationship.

"The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the type of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other."^[2] Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these three elements; for example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or three elements. Source: Wikipedia - Triangular Theory of Love

Now that we've established what scholars/writers/psychologists consider "love" to be, what about my contribution to my friend's project? When it came time to share my thoughts on love, I didn't refer to any theories or statements from scholars, writers or other brilliant minds. Instead, I reflected on my own experiences with love - romantic and otherwise. I quickly realized my own definition of love is centered on my understanding of how people connect -- at the level of our basic energy.

For me, real love is an intense and soul-deep connection; it's about understanding, accepting and supporting your loved one(s) for who they truly are and not who someone else wants them to be.

The happy ending to my story is the video below. It wasn't easy, but I finally managed to put into words what had been going through my head every time I thought about the question "what does love mean to me?". I'll leave you with my own thoughts, and I would love to hear your answer to the same question: "What does love mean to you?"



Wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day, and more love than you could ever need, today and every day.

- Candice :)

Rock Solid

Life is busy these days! While I'm not working a full-time job at the moment, I AM working, and hard! Building two businesses is a lot of work: networking, advertising, recruiting, preparing, learning, presenting, writing, posting, evaluating ... phew!

Arbonne is bringing me new opportunities and excitement all the time, PLUS the benefit of pampering myself every day. Last night my sister Cassie and I decided that it was time to pamper ourselves with a facial. So we did, and it was awesome: fun, laughter, positive energy AND great skin care -- a truly fantastic way to wind down the day.

And in case you're curious about what we used for said mask, it was the FC5 Deep Cleaning Mask. I LOVE the FC5 line!

Sex Ed Central is growing and becoming more of a presence both on and offline. I'm networking a lot more these days, which gives me exposure and increases awareness. I'm in the process of establishing a brand and logo, as well as determining how I want to move forward with this business. As I mentioned in my previous post, being an entrepreneur wasn't something I had planned on. Still, I'm glad I've chosen this path.

Before I get back to work (this is a break, don't ya know?!) I wanted to share some morning inspiration. This was posted by SoulSeeds and is entitled The Seed of Rock Solid Love. By the way, I love SoulSeeds and highly recommend you sign up for their mailing list AND follow them on Facebook.

Have a wonderful day!

[caption id="attachment_3208" align="aligncenter" width="470"] When it feels like you’ve hit rock bottom; hope balanced precariously, trust shattered, love on the rocks, decide to make this experience part of your rock solid inner strength. Use the strength that comes from struggle to build a platform for growth. Choose to build your life around love rather than bitterness.[/caption]

 

 

The Entreprenurial Spirit

Many moons ago, I took a high school course on entrepreneurship. I didn't particularly like it, and by the end of it I thought "No way will I ever have my own business". Something about it just didn't seem to "click" with me.

A little over ten years later (yes, I'm THAT old), I've established more than one home-based business and am networking myself as an entrepreneur. There are still days when I'm not sure I'm cut out for being self-employed, but for the most part, it's been pretty great.

Until now ... now it's become AWESOME! Why? Because I've joined up with a group of powerful entrepreneurial women who have similar goals to my own --- to be successful, to be independent and to build a strong business, thereby contributing to a strong community.

Thank you, K-W & Area Mompreneurs, for hosting a fantastic launch party last night, and for helping me to connect to so many incredible women. I am more excited than ever to be part of this community, especially as an entrepreneur. Cheers to the many successes coming our way in 2013!

 

 

A little blah

Today's post is going to be one of those not so much about sex as it is about life posts. So if all you want to read about is sex, you might as well skip this one. If, however, you want to read something that's sure to be awesome in some way/shape/form, continue as you are ...

I woke up today feeling well rested and happy, but also anxious and a little blah. Feeling anxious is nothing new for me -- I've been dealing with severe anxiety since I was a child. Feeling a little blah isn't really anything new either -- we all have those days where we feel a little less than stellar.

I am fully aware that my feelings of anxiety and blah-ness stem from my overall situation: at the moment I am  unemployed and attempting to get several projects off the ground (Arbonne, Sex Ed Central). There are times when it feels like I'm not going to be successful, and that all this work won't actually amount to anything. Even now, I'm SO close to reaching my Arbonne goal for the month, but I feel "stuck" on how to get there.

After reflecting on the source of these feelings, I decided that rather than dwell on them, I would take action. Action = writing (at the moment) and then getting out there and working towards my goals. After all, the only way to fail is to not try, right?

Before I started writing, however, I decided I needed a little inspiration. I visited my Facebook page, which I'll admit happens a little more often than necessary at times. I've intentionally filled my Facebook feed with positive and inspiring messages by finding, posting and liking things that make me feel awesome. I'm glad I have done this, because I read a post that really resonated with me today. It is entitled "When Being Authentic Hurts".

Essentially, this post is about being true to yourself -- being authentic -- and finding the balance between your own authenticity and hurting others. There are times, as I'm sure you know, when being true to yourself means hurting someone else. For the most part, I don't think we like to hurt each other. I know I don't like to hurt others, particularly people I care about. Sometimes, we just have to. And, as the following quotation explains, it's our responsibility to always make sure we're doing good things with our authenticity.

However you describe or name it, authenticity is an inner calling to express the essence of who you are and let it grow and flourish. It’s soul destroying to ignore it. And if it causes suffering for others, who don’t like or understand your passion, then you need to make sure you use your gift in ways that make the world a better place.
- Ian Lawton, Soulseeds.com

This really resonated with me, because not long ago I was facing exactly this type of dilemma ... Deciding whether to turn my life upside down ... and the life of someone I cared deeply for ... in order to allow my authenticity to shine through. Eventually, I did just that ... I turned everything into chaos and had quite a mess to sort out. I hurt people and changed things and faced a lot of fears while I was at it.

And you know what? I am so glad I did. Ignoring and trying to deny who I am really was destroying my soul, and now my soul is happy and I am stronger than ever. And every day I try to use my gift to make the world a better place. It just feels "right".

I'll leave you now with a quotation from Steve Jobs, which I think really sums up this post nicely. Try your best to apply these thoughts to your daily life, and watch the transformation. Live with authenticity, embrace happiness, and work your butt off to make the world a better place. Live YOUR life and YOUR truth.

Source: www.soulseeds.com