Another gay teen suicide - RIP Jamey

Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14 year old boy from New York, is dead. He committed suicide after being bullied over his sexuality. This is such a devastating story; another young person who was bullied and received so much hate that he couldn't see another way out.

A few months ago, Jamey posted a video for The It Gets Better Project. As the bullying continued, Jamey posted several more messages on YouTube and his blog, talking about his suicidal feelings and the abuse he was experiencing. Tragically, he hid what was going on from his parents, who were supportive of him and had enrolled him in counselling. I can only imagine how it felt to find his body outside of their family home on Monday.

I'm so angry and sad about this, I don't know what else to say.  So instead of rambling on, here is an excerpt from the article on "The Telegraph" where I first read about this tragedy.

Anonymous commenters were posting abusive messages under posts Jamey had made to Formspring, a social networking site, where he continued to discuss his unhappiness.

 

"Jamie is stupid, fat, gay and ugly. He must die!," one post said. Another read: "I wouldn't care if you died. No one would. So just do it :) It would make everyone WAY more happier!"

 

In an online posting earlier this month, Jamey wrote: "I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens. What do I have to do so people will listen to me?"

 

The day before, he wrote: "No one in my school cares about preventing suicide" and reminded his readers that it was national suicide prevention week. He then posted the lyrics to a song by the group Hollywood Undead, which read: "I just wanna say good bye, disappear with no one knowing".

 

On Sunday, Jamey made two final posts to one of his blogs – one saying he was looking forward to seeing his late great grandmother, and another in tribute to Lady Gaga, his favourite singer, who inspired him with her anthem to self-confidence "Born This Way". His body was found on Monday.

- Jon Swaine, New York (The Telegraph)

You can read the full article by clicking here: Boy, 14, found dead over gay bullying

Please spread the word about this most recent and devastating teen suicide.

Below I've listed a number of resources and helplines available to teens facing bullying, and LGBTQ youth in particular.  Please support these organizations however you can, whether by donating funds, taking a pledge or simply sharing a link to their site.

Thank you.

- Candice

YouthLine(Canadian) - 1 800 268 9688

PFLAG Canada

The It Gets Better Project

The Trevor Project (US) - 1 866 488 7386

PostSecret (not an LGBT specific site, but definitely excellent)

GLAAD

Sex Ed Central - Education Central

Monogamy as the only way?

Monogamy ... a necessary requirement of a healthy relationship, or an unrealistic expectation placed on individuals by our monogamy-centrist society?

Like many of you, I was raised in a society which values monogamy, long-term relationship/marital commitment, and expects sexual exclusivity as the "norm".  Until my early twenties, I had never even heard of an "open relationship".  The first time I met someone who told me they were in an open relationship, I remember thinking this person (and his partner) must be strange.  After all, how could someone claim to be in a relationship but still allow their partner - and be allowed by their partner - to pursue outside relationships as well?  I assumed that being in an exclusive, monogamous relationship was the only way to "be" with someone.  That's what everyone does, right?

Wrong.

Fortunately, I value learning and I try to keep an open mind.  It's not always easy (my first response to non-monogamy wasn't entirely "open-minded"), but learning about and educating others about sexuality means learning about what I'm going to be talking about.  And since much of sexuality takes place in the context of interpersonal relationships, I've often found myself wondering about how those relationships function.  So, being the nerd that I am, I've read books, articles and magazines on the subject; I've talked to people who are in non-monogamous relationships; I've subscribed to and follow a number of blogs on the subject.  And, as I've mentioned in the past, I faithfully read Savage Love every week, listen to Dan's podcasts and try to keep myself informed about the subject in general.  So when the New York Times published a magazine article entitled "Dan Savage on the Virtues of Infidelity", I had to check it out.  (In case you're unsure, Dan is also the founder of The It Gets Better Project).

[caption id="attachment_1477" align="alignright" width="120" caption="Love Outside the Box"][/caption]

The article is seven pages long (as published online), well-written and a great read.  I've taken a few excerpts from the article and included them in this post.  You can read the full article here: "Dan Savage on the Virtues of Infidelity".

"Savage believes monogamy is right for many couples ... We can’t help our urges, and we should not lie to our partners about them ... honesty is the best policy." (Oppenheimer, 2011)

... He does not believe in promiscuity ... And he does not believe that monogamy is wrong for all couples or even for most couples. Rather, he says that a more realistic sexual ethic would prize honesty, a little flexibility and, when necessary, forgiveness over absolute monogamy. And he believes nostalgically, like any good conservative, that we might look to the past for some clues.  (Oppenheimer, 2011)

... “Folks on the verge of making those monogamous commitments,” ... “need to look at the wreckage around them — all those failed monogamous relationships out there (Schwarzenegger, Clinton, Vitter, whoever’s on the cover of US magazine this week) — and have a conversation about what it’ll mean if one or the other partner should cheat. And agree, at the very least, to getting through it, to place a higher value on the relationship itself than on one component of it, sexual exclusivity.” (Oppenheimer, 2011)


... “The point,” he wrote on his blog last year, “is that people — particularly those who value monogamy — need to understand why being monogamous is so much harder than they’ve been led to believe.” (Oppenheimer, 2011)

FYI: By posting this, I want to share with you an alternative perspective that says that relationships are not only about sexual exclusivity, and that there is more to loving relationships than what we've been socially conditioned to believe.  I wish to give you an opportunity to to open your mind to more information.  :) 

Enjoy!

Candice :)

Reading is sexy! Sex and 2010 ...

While catching up on some sexuality-related reading, I came across an article entitled The year in sex 2010, and the Brazilian wax.

The article is featured on SexualityToday; it is written by Stephen Snyder, M.D., a NYC sex and couples therapist, psychiatrist and writer.  This article provides an excellent and thorough overview of the biggest sex topics of 2010.  Promiscuity and monogamy, "pink Viagra" and Dan Savage's "It Gets Better Project" are all well worth reading about.

I encourage you to take a look and let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading,

Candice

Homophobic Bullying - It Must Stop

As Ellen DeGeneres said it in her recent video about this issue, "One life lost in this senseless way is tragic; four lives lost is a crisis".

In the past month alone, at least four teens in the US have committed suicide after being subjected to homophobic bullying and teasing.  These kids felt that they had no other option, and that death was easier than dealing with what they were going through.

My heart aches for these kids and for their families, and for the kids who are dealing with this every day.  Kids can be horrible ... I remember my own struggles with bullying, and mine had nothing to do with something as deeply rooted as my sexual orientation and sense of who I was.

I feel that it is incredibly important to share this message.  Please take the time to watch and share the videos below.

The first is of Dan Savage and his husband, Terry, talking about their own struggles with bullying and figuring out their sexuality.  The message in this video is exactly as it's titled - It Gets Better.  Our kids - LGBTQ as well as heterosexual - need to know this.  The bullying ends ... life after high school is so much better, so much more fulfilling, and so much more fun than what they are going through now.  HANG ON, you can get through it.



This second video, recently posted by Ellen DeGeneres, talks about the crisis in teen bullying and asks us to join together to make it STOP.



Please share this post and especially these videos ... spread the word that this is happening and that we need to stop it.  Kids don't need to die in this senseless way, before they have a chance to really live.

- Candice