Ball Dropping

If you were expecting that title to lead to a post about testicles ... well ... it's not going to. But I'll try to dig something testicular up for you, just so you're not disappointed. :)

Actually, this post is a feeble attempt to reach out to you and let you know that, while I seem to have dropped the ball on posting over the past couple of months, I'm still around! We are now into the final 5 weeks of the school year, and things are craaaaazy busy!

Sorry about the ball dropping. I'll be back soon. For real this time.

Candice

It is official: Obama is on our side!

Marriage equality is once again at the forefront of the political arena in the United States. While the issue has always been emotionally and politically charged, it's taken on a new intensity since Obama announced that he supports gay marriage.

For those of us on the pro-equality side, this is a huge step. Obama has officially separated himself from every other sitting US President with his support. Thank you, Barack Obama, for living in the present and recognizing the future, rather than obsessing over the past. Thank you for NOT being a homophobic bully, and thank you for supporting equal rights for the LGBT community.

Obama's announcement has triggered intense reactions from all sides. Politicians, celebrities, religious leaders and the American public alike are all weighing in. Mitt Romney, the republican most likely to challenge Obama in the 2012 Presidential race, was quick to remind us that he is opposed to same-sex marriage. This has provided a rallying point for conservative Christians in the US, and given them new leverage in their anti-Obama attacks. It's also provided a reinforced point of support for Romney's bid for President.

“So many people were rather lukewarm toward governor Romney and were really looking for some more tangible reasons to support him,” said Phil Burress, president of Citizens for Community Values, who led the ballot drive that banned gay marriage in Ohio in 2004. “Then lo and behold, it just fell out of the sky when Obama came out and endorsed same-sex marriage. . . . We are going to make this our key issue: the attack on marriage.” (The Washington Post, May 11, 2012)

Regardless of the political turmoil, Obama's support has offered renewed life to the fight for marriage equality. Not only has Obama supported marriage equality at full strength, he's offered a clear path for others to publicly endorse it as well.

"Voters and elected officials who might have wanted to step up and have been afraid, they will be less afraid do to do so now," said Rea Carey, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force in a conversation.

Obama, she said, has cleared "political space for other elected officials who may have felt they could not be as clear" as they now can be. She added: "I predict that every person running for office this year will be asked this question." (BBC News, May 10, 2012)

Given the reaction to Obama's announcement over the past few days, it's easy to see that the coming weeks and months are going to be interesting, to put it mildly. Whether this will be helpful or detrimental to Obama's campaign for re-election is yet to be determined. For now, I'm holding onto faith that Americans will opt for progression rather than regression. Fingers crossed!

Candice

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P.S. Want to read more about this issue?

NPR.org: Reaction To Obama's Same-Sex Marriage Support: From Serious to Silly

NPR.org: Obama's Gay Marriage Stance Stirs Black Community

Huffington Post: Obama's Same-Sex Marriage Stance Welcomed by Hollywood Executives

AlterNet.org: It's Great That Obama Endorsed Same-Sex Marriage -- But Now What?

Zee News: Most approve Obama's same-sex marriage decision

BBC News: Gaga and Glee star back President Obama on gay marriage

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Get A Taste For Life!

What are you doing for breakfast, lunch, or dinner today?

If you're cool like me, you will be out supporting your local AIDS Service Organization (ASO) by eating at a restaurant participating in A Taste For Life!

What is A Taste For Life, you ask? Well, it's an annual fundraiser where people like us go out for breakfast/lunch/dinner/dessert/drinks to a participating restaurant, and 25% of our food and drink bill goes to our local ASO. It's a great way to fight HIV/AIDS in your local community.

If you're in the Cambridge/K-W/Guelph area, get out there and support ACCKWA or the AIDS Committee of Guelph. If you're not in the Guelph/Tri-Cities area, get out there and support your local ASO!

Maybe I'll see you there!

:)

 

A Breastfeeding Dad

This article is from Out Magazine. The author shares his experience as a transgendered, breastfeeding dad. Read, learn and enjoy!

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Why I'm a Breastfeeding Dad

4.24.2012

By Trevor MacDonald

I'm a transgender parent: not the parent of a transgender child, nor a parent who transitioned after having kids. Rather, I transitioned from female to male, and then later became pregnant—as a trans man. I had a healthy pregnancy, and birthed my baby naturally. And in that first moment when I saw my baby and held him in my arms—smelling his amazing, newborn baby smell—I became addicted to him.

Just last week, my little guy turned 1 years old, and I can say that my initial intense feeling toward him has only become more powerful over time. Part of its effect is to make me highly sensitive to my child's needs, despite the awkward moments we sometimes endure in public as a nursing couple.

I was on an airplane a few months ago and my baby began crying during the descent. I unbuttoned my shirt and latched him on; from what I've read nursing can really help to ease the pain in a baby's ears due to changes in pressure on a flight. When we landed, a fellow passenger came to stand in front of me and said, "Why are you breastfeeding this baby?"

I looked around and reminded myself that, on a crowded airplane, she probably couldn't do us any physical harm. I explained, "Oh, I'm transgender. I birthed him myself, and so now I'm breastfeeding him."

"Well you're going to ruin his ears flying with him like this. This baby needs a real boob, man."

I was born female but transitioned to male at age 23 by taking testosterone. My voice dropped, I grew facial hair, and my body shape changed. One year later, I had male chest-contouring surgery that removed most of my breast tissue. I retained my female reproductive organs, but I felt (and still feel) fully male, and anybody seeing me on the street would never guess that I'm anything but a regular dude. This is how I'm happy.

In fact, after my transition, I was so very happy and comfortable that I quickly settled down with Ian, the love of my life (yes, I'm that complicated - I'm not just any old transgender guy, I'm a gay transgender guy, and it is perfectly right for me). Soon we decided we'd like to have a family together. We looked into adoption, but then decided that the homegrown variety would be best for us. We consulted with a few doctors who suggested that I stop taking my testosterone and wait for my cycles to return to normal. They did, and we married and got pregnant. We were so traditional, even, that our due date was exactly forty weeks from the day of our wedding.

I chose to breastfeed our son as best I could. Due to my previous surgery, I don't make all the milk that he needs, so I use what is called a supplemental nursing system (SNS) to feed him donated breast milk. The SNS consists of a long, narrow feeding tube that sits in the donated milk in a bottle. I place the tube just by my nipple so that my baby latches on to the tube as well as my nipple. He then gets all the breast milk that I'm able to produce simultaneous to the supplement that he draws from the bottle. All of his feedings are done at my chest. After one year of this, we are still both enjoying our breastfeeding relationship.

My breastfeeding journey has not been easy. It's physically very challenging to latch a baby on when you have next to zero protruding breast tissue. Learning to juggle the SNS in addition to this made nursing even harder for us. So why do I bother? Why don't I just give my baby his donated breast milk in a bottle and call it a day?

I started out nursing purely for the health benefits. I read that any amount at all of my own milk would contain antibodies specifically designed by my body to protect my son—unique from any other substance in the world. I also learned that the mechanical action of breastfeeding promotes normal jaw development. Who doesn't want a normally developed jaw? I thought. But looking back on this last year, I have come to believe that breastfeeding, for us at least, is far more than this. Breastfeeding is the easiest way for me to comfort my child when he is upset, tired, hurt, or scared. It works well for us and keeps him happy.

I wish I'd been eloquent enough at the time to explain these things to the woman on the airplane, but what I said was, "I hope you have a good vacation." I wanted her to leave us alone.

She returned with, "Well, you should know that Jesus loves you."

After this, I focused on Jacob and babbled at him endlessly as if I were a child myself. "I'm so sorry that your ears hurt on the way down. You poor little thing. I love you soooooooo much. Now that we're in Vancouver we'll get to visit your grandparents who are very, very excited to see you."

I kept hugging my boy and chatting to him until the woman left and then I sobbed, fumbling for my things while the other passengers quietly filed off the plane.

I'll never forget the kind words of a fellow traveler who witnessed the whole episode. He came to find me at the luggage belt, looking terribly serious. "Don't you ever let anyone take the joy of this baby from you," he said. Then he repeated it one more time, with emphasis, "Don't you ever let anyone take the joy of this baby from you."

Wherever you are, gentle stranger, thank you, and I won't.

Trevor MacDonald lives in Winnipeg, Canada, with his partner, baby, and dog. He is currently a stay-at-home dad, and has an honors BA in political science from the University of British Columbia. While remaining secure in his identity as a gay man, he breastfeeds his baby boy because of the zillions of studies that prove that breastfeeding is a healthy, biologically normal choice for babies. He writes about his queer breastfeeding adventures on his blog at www.milkjunkies.net.

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It's been a while

Wow, it's been a month since my last post.

If you've missed me, sorry about the long absence. It's been a busy month, and I needed to take some time to get the rest of my life organized. Work is busy and Mark and I have been digging in some "roots" to our local community ... we now have a doctor, dentist, chiropractor and a massage therapist. Mark's business - Analyzed Marketing Solutions - has also been busy and he has several new clients, as well as some great new services to offer.

Things are falling into place nicely!

Now that I'm back, you can expect the sex talk to commence shortly.

Candice

The Issue of Marriage

This image is circulating around Facebook right now, and it's so awesome I wanted to share it with you. Let's work together to wipe out homophobia!

- Candice

Monogamish Ethics

Yep, it's monogamish again.

Yep, it's Dan Savage again.

This one comes to us from the Savage Love Letter of the Day (SLLOTD) iPhone app and was posted on Monday, March 12, 2012. What attracted me to this post was the fact that, while the broad topic is communication and the ethics of disclosure, the issue itself is unique to nonmonogamy.

FYI: contains coarse language.

Enjoy!

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Permission Slippage

My wife and I have been married eighteen years, basically since high school. We opened up our marriage two years ago. She quickly attracted an avalanche of attention online, and has had a couple of lovers. It has done her—and us—good. But my own experience has been the opposite of hers: tepid interest online; endless correspondence with sort-of interested parties; a few disastrous dates.

I'm writing to get your opinion on a point of ethics, and also your permission. The few women who have expressed interest so far—other than the two who wanted long-term monogamy from me or nothing—only did so as long as they thought I was cheating on my wife. As soon as they realized that I was hooking up with her approval, they were no longer interested. I find it ironic that I worked so hard to do the ethical thing by opening up my marriage, only to find that the ethical thing itself is a buzzkill, but anyway.

There's a bit more at stake here aside from some kanoodling: both before marriage and now, I never successfully dated or hooked up (I was a bit of an ugly duckling adolescent), and this endless rejection is starting to affect my libido and my self-worth. I need to get past it. I'm very honest and can't actively deceive anyone, unless I'm convinced it's just part of the game. Do I have your permission to pretend I'm cheating on my wife in order to not cheat on my wife with someone who gets off on the thought of me cheating on my wife? My wife is fine with this.

What The Fuck, Over

First, some theories—yanked out of my ass just now—about the women who bailed on you after they found out you weren't a CPOS:

1. They were looking to do something dirty and wrong, WTFO, and once they found out you were proposing something clean and correct, they were no longer interested.

2. They were cheating on their husbands and were looking for a "mutual assured destruction" pact—you couldn't expose her as a CPOS because she would be able to expose you as a CPOS.

3. They were after two particular and overlapping ego boosts. They were turned on by the thought that you were willing to "risk everything" to fuck 'em (because they were just that irresistible), WTFO, and they wanted to feel superior to—and more desirable than—whatever the woman you had at home. MomLogic ("What Moms Are Talking About") did a piece on this a few years ago: "52% of women have had sex with a married man: Momlogic contributor Shannon Fox says one of the reasons women will sleep with a married man is because women tend to be very competitive. 'If they can get a man who's committed to someone else, they take it as a win.'"

That said, WTFO, I'm with your wife. I don't see any harm in deceiving women who are aroused by deception about the fact that you're not deceiving your wife. Deceiving people is wrong, ethically speaking, but the deception here is mild and no one is or will be harmed by it. These women you "deceive" get a "win" by sleeping with a married man and you get to enjoy a little libido- and self-worth-enhancing pussy. Don't go on and on about how your life will be destroyed if your wife should ever find out—don't actively deceive anyone (your impulse there is a correct)—but don't feel obligated to set them straight if they assume you're a CPOS.

Permission granted, WTFO.

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