I'm trying out something new -- Guest Blog Posts! There is so much great content out there, and I want to share it with you.
THANK YOU to Open Salon blogger, artist and writer Rei Momo for writing this excellent and informative post, and for allowing me to share it with my readers.
Thank you also to my loyal readers, and enjoy!
- Candice :)
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Recognizing Signs of Childhood Sexual Abuse
Last week, I posted an essay about what I learned from Lara Logan’s brave interview discussing being raped in Egypt, and how a group of Egyptian women saved her life and ended the assault. Some of the comments left by other OS writers got me thinking about the subject in broader terms. Most sexual assaults happen to young people. Most assaults are perpetrated by someone the victim knows. In order to stop sexual abuse from happening, communities and individuals need to better recognize signs someone is being sexually abused and report concerns to the authorities. To police ourselves, we need to do more than be vigilant in public spaces. We need to care for each other, especially young people, and try to keep each other safe and recognize when someone is already being hurt.
At RAINN’s site (http://rainn.org) I learned the most important way to prevent children from being preyed on is to talk with them, educate them about their bodies, and explain to them the difference between good touches and bad ones. Communication, communication, communication was the advice. To add my two cents worth, I think pediatricians can provide very concise, effective talks with kids about safety. Professionals who specialize with kids often have training in the best ways to talk about this difficult subject.
There are many more ways to be abused than by touching, unfortunately, so more than one conversation needs to happen. Also, as kids get older, conversations need to change to include more specific information on risks and how to stay safe.
I watched a news show years ago which discussed how to prevent abuse from happening to kids. The journalist interviewed cops who specialized in these types of crimes. Their advice was for parents and other family members to be vigilant about whom they have around their kids. Even kids who have been educated can be victimized. The cops said children and young people are no match for perpetrators, so it’s up to parents to control who is around.
At the government’s web site www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/childsexualabuse, signs and symptoms of abuse were spelled out. These included:
- Difficulty walking or sitting
- Suddenly refuse to change clothes for gym or participate in physical activity
- Nightmares and bedwetting
- Sudden change in appetite
- Exhibits bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior
- Becomes pregnant or contracts an STD, especially if they’re under 14
- Runs away
- Reports abuse
Having worked as a councilor at a runaway shelter for several years, I saw kids with every one of these symptoms. It was beyond distressing to hear their stories, but they needed to be heard. I reported what I was told to CPS (1-800-4-A-CHILD) and/or the police (911). Friends, family members, and neighbors can observe and report signs and symptoms that a child is being abused, not just professionals.
The organization Survivors and Friends (www.sandf.org) has an informative website as well. It reiterates many of the points found at the other sites, but includes some more subtle signs to look for.
- Child and family are socially and geographically isolated
- There is a role reversal between the daughter and mother , with child acting as adult
- The father gives lavish gifts to children
- Child complains of stomach problems
- Recurrent urinary tract infections for child
- Drastic weight loss or gain in child
- Child tries to make his/herself look unattractive
- Mood swings in child
- Sense of danger haunts child
- Child has radical changes in school performance
There are many more signs at the site, check them out if you’re interested.
This is really morbid stuff to talk about. Believe me, I’m reticent to write about it because it brings up sad feelings. I was abused sexually as a child. As a young adult, I struggled with issues common to survivors, like an eating disorder, sleeping issues, and anxiety. I've been on the healing path for thirteen years and can tell you for sure, it's a path worth taking. We really can recover from grievous assaults with time, love, and patience.
So much misery in our community, like drug and alcohol addiction, depression, and domestic violence stems from childhood trauma and people’s ineffective ways of dealing with the personal aftermath. If we could heal this one thing in our culture, so many other things would heal easily.
I believe this can be achieved with vigilance on the part of concerned friends and family members of young people and prosecution of the perpetrators. I don’t want to tell police officers and criminal lawyers how to do their jobs, because that’s not my area of expertise. But as a community member and parent, I think being watchful of and talking to young people is an excellent starting point for ending this kind of abuse.
Click here for the original blog post, as well as others by this author.
Proud Parenting
