Talking to your kids about sex, that is!
I've made a few posts on this topic, and I've also written an informative, parent-focused article with tips and suggestions for parents: Sex Education for Parents.
That said, I have recently come across an excellent article written by Vanessa Cullins, Vice President for Medical Affairs at Planned Parenthood Federation of America. While Vanessa's article speaks particularly to parents of African American youth, what she says applies to virtually all parents, everywhere. I've taken this post from The Huffington Post - BLACKVOICES - as posted on October 21, 2011.
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There is one thing I can't stress enough about sex: The need to talk about it. My previous post on Black Voices was about how hard it is for adults to talk about sex -- with each other! So you can imagine how tough it is for us to talk about it with our kids. But talk we must! According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, African Americans ages 13-24 account for 56 percent of new HIV cases, and nearly half of all African-American girls between 14 and 19 are infected with a sexually transmitted infection such as chlamydia, herpes, or HPV.
Now is the time to have that conversation. October is Let's Talk Month, during which several national organizations, including Planned Parenthood, focus on encouraging parents to talk with their children about sex and sexuality. It can absolutely make a difference. Studies have shown, for example, that teens who talk about sex with a parent are more likely to delay sex, have fewer sexual partners, and use condoms and birth control when they do have sex.
But do parents really talk with their kids about sex? Planned Parenthood recently partnered with the Center for Latino Adolescent and Family Health at the Silver School of Social Work at NYU to find out. Released today, our new, nationally representative poll shows that most parents are talking to their kids about topics related to sexuality, agree that they are influential in the decisions their children make about sex, and are overwhelmingly supportive of sex education in schools.
Importantly, the survey of 1,100 parents of 10 to 18-year-olds found that African Americans were more likely than any other group to say that they would like help talking to their kids about sex. That's encouraging news when you consider that 64 percent of all parents surveyed said their own moms and dads didn't do a very good job talking to them about sex. That more of us are asking for help in figuring out how to best prepare our kids to make good decisions about their sexual health provides us the opportunity to set examples for how all parents can be successful in helping their kids navigate these waters. However, the poll also found that fewer parents are talking with their kids about tougher, more complicated topics. More than a quarter aren't talking about how to say no to sex, and, while 94 percent of parents believe they are influential in whether or not their kids use condoms or other forms of birth control if they do have sex, only 60 percent are actually talking with their children about birth control. Why? Many of us are too embarrassed or uncomfortable. But we must get over that.
The consequences of not talking are simply too great. A recent study conducted by Essence and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy of 1,500 African American teen boys and girls found that nearly half of the 13 to 15 year-olds surveyed don't talk with their parents about sex because they think it would be too awkward. Yet two-thirds say there would be fewer teen pregnancies if more kids were able to talk with their parents. Two-thirds also said they would wait longer before starting to have sex if they were able to have open and honest conversations about it at home.
How can you make it less awkward? Talk openly and honestly, answer your kids' questions, and seize opportunities to help them make smart decisions about their relationships and behavior. Parents can begin the discussion as early as age six or seven. When a child reaches puberty, it's important to discuss love, relationships, and respect, but it's also important to teach teens how to say no to sex and how to access and make decisions about birth control when they do become sexually active. Throughout the teen years, it's critical to help your child understand the consequences of certain behaviors, and to help them establish boundaries. Should your teen become sexually active, you can help ensure that the relationship is emotionally healthy and that your child protects her/himself from pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.
It's also essential that parents set guidelines that will make teens less likely to engage in sexual behavior before they're ready, and role-play with your kids, especially daughters, about how to negotiate boundaries in certain situations in age-appropriate ways.
Most of all, we need to help our children build self-esteem so they will want to take care of themselves and respect others. Parents can do that by giving their kids credit for their talents and accomplishments, and encouraging them to have long-term goals, like college. Talking with our kids about their plans will not only strengthen our relationships with them, it will also allow us to help them consider how the risks they take today may affect their dreams for tomorrow.
Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource for information on how to talk with your kids about sex and sexuality. Visit www.plannedparenthood.org to find out more. So, let's talk about sex!
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Thursday, October 27, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
If being gay is a choice
As an LGBTQ ally, I have no problem stating that I absolutely do not believe that sexual orientation - hetero, homo, or bi - is a choice. I think that the idea that being LGBT is a choice is a load of ... y'know. I think that argument is often used by people who can not or do not want to accept that humans encompass a wide range of sexual orientations and preferences -- and each of them is as natural as any other. I have a wide range of LGBTQ friends, and every one of them will tell you that they have always been LGBTQ, they will always be LGBTQ, and they didn't "choose" to be LGBTQ.
That said, I can't say it as well as Dan Savage. In response to Herman Cain's statement that he believes homosexuality is a choice, Dan has invited him to prove it - by choosing it himself. What better way to support your own argument than to demonstrate it?
As posted by Dan on The Stranger's Slog blog (emphasis added by me):
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Dear Herman,
If being gay is a choice, show us the proof. Choose it. Choose to be gay yourself. Show America how that's done, Herman, show us how a man can choose to be gay. Suck my dick, Herman. Name the time and the place and I'll bring my dick and a camera crew and you can suck me off and win the argument.
Very sincerely yours,
Dan Savage
And then I'll say this: when someone argues that being gay is a choice, he's not just insulting gay people. (And ignoring the science of sexual orientation.) He's insulting straight people. If homosexuality is a choice, then so is heterosexuality. Last night on CNN Herman Cain said that being straight is something that a straight person can take or leave. Herman Cain believes that heterosexuality is something a heterosexual can decide to walk away from, like a underwater house or a lousy meal. Straight people should get angry when they hear a straight person making this argument.
[/box]
So far, Herman Cain has yet to back up his opinion with action. I'll keep you posted when it happens!
:P
Candice
That said, I can't say it as well as Dan Savage. In response to Herman Cain's statement that he believes homosexuality is a choice, Dan has invited him to prove it - by choosing it himself. What better way to support your own argument than to demonstrate it?
As posted by Dan on The Stranger's Slog blog (emphasis added by me):
[box]
Dear Herman,
If being gay is a choice, show us the proof. Choose it. Choose to be gay yourself. Show America how that's done, Herman, show us how a man can choose to be gay. Suck my dick, Herman. Name the time and the place and I'll bring my dick and a camera crew and you can suck me off and win the argument.
Very sincerely yours,
Dan Savage
And then I'll say this: when someone argues that being gay is a choice, he's not just insulting gay people. (And ignoring the science of sexual orientation.) He's insulting straight people. If homosexuality is a choice, then so is heterosexuality. Last night on CNN Herman Cain said that being straight is something that a straight person can take or leave. Herman Cain believes that heterosexuality is something a heterosexual can decide to walk away from, like a underwater house or a lousy meal. Straight people should get angry when they hear a straight person making this argument.
[/box]
So far, Herman Cain has yet to back up his opinion with action. I'll keep you posted when it happens!
:P
Candice
Thursday, October 20, 2011
PFLAG needs YOU!
PFLAG Canada needs your support!
PFLAG offers essential support and resources to LGBTQ people and their families. They offer a confidential, toll free phone line for anyone with questions or concerns about sexuality and sexual orientation -- 24/7.
In addition to offering a toll-free phone line, PFLAG also offers web support, front-line volunteers, and educational programs. They support individuals, communities and groups; PFLAG Canada is there to help and support people like you, your friends and your loved ones.
Now they need you to support them. PFLAG needs money to run, and that money comes from donations from you and me. I've donated, and now it's your turn. Support PFLAG NOW. JOIN ME -- donate and become a member!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Sex Ed Central gets a radio plug!
My blog received a radio plug today, on 107.5 Dave FM. In case you weren't lucky enough to hear it live, I've recorded it and posted it below. Listen in and see what Craig Fee had to say about my blog post, Sexual Satisfaction + Marriage + The Pill = ???Enjoy!
Dave FM promo
- Candice :)
Sexy Humour: Church Bells
I found this joke on the Huffington Post, and I think it's worth sharing!
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Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex was surely asking for trouble.
"Oh, no, my dear," replied Granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and said, "He'd still be alive if that frickin' ice cream truck hadn't come
along."
[/box]
Tee hee hee!
- Candice :)
[box]
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex was surely asking for trouble.
"Oh, no, my dear," replied Granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and said, "He'd still be alive if that frickin' ice cream truck hadn't come
along."[/box]
Tee hee hee!
- Candice :)
Sexual Satisfaction + Marriage + The Pill = ???
I've read a few articles about this study, and I'm still not entirely sure what to make of it ... but it's definitely worth a read!
The study, involving 2,519 mothers (mainly from the US and Czech Republic), looked at the relationships between the Pill, sexual satisfaction, and marriage. They've reached some pretty interesting conclusions:
Women who meet their partners while taking oral contraceptives (aka "the pill") report less sexual satisfaction in their relationships, as well as less attraction to their partners. That said, these women also report more satisfaction with other parts of their relationship, including the financial support they received from their partner. As well, those women were less likely to split from their partner.
Wondering how all of this works? According to researchers, it's about chemistry.
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The researchers had previously discovered that women's menstrual cycles affect the types of men to which they are most attracted. Part of having "chemistry" with someone is liking his smell, which is determined in part by an immune system molecule called MHC.
People tend to be attracted to partners with MHC types that are dissimilar from their own, probably because this would give their offspring a greater chance of survival by creating a diversified immune system. The pill, however, puts the body into a hormonal state similar to pregnancy — and pregnant women tend to prefer MHC scents that are similar to their own, probably because this would make them feel safe and comfortable around supportive relatives.
That means that if you're taking the pill, you may be more likely to find attractive men whose MHC is similar to your own — but during your regular cycle, these men might seem less your "type."
Indeed, during their most fertile phase, women tend to be drawn to more dominant, masculine men who are more likely to be unfaithful. In contrast, during the second part of their cycle, when they could already be pregnant, they are more attracted to calmer, more nurturing types.
[/box]
I'm sure there are many, many factors involved with attraction, sexual satisfaction and relationships ... taking the pill is only one of many influences. Nevertheless, this is pretty interesting research and I'll be watching to see what else the research may reveal.
Read the entire article here: How the Pill Affects Sexual Satisfaction, Lasting Marriage
- Candice
The study, involving 2,519 mothers (mainly from the US and Czech Republic), looked at the relationships between the Pill, sexual satisfaction, and marriage. They've reached some pretty interesting conclusions:
Women who meet their partners while taking oral contraceptives (aka "the pill") report less sexual satisfaction in their relationships, as well as less attraction to their partners. That said, these women also report more satisfaction with other parts of their relationship, including the financial support they received from their partner. As well, those women were less likely to split from their partner.
Wondering how all of this works? According to researchers, it's about chemistry.
[box]
The researchers had previously discovered that women's menstrual cycles affect the types of men to which they are most attracted. Part of having "chemistry" with someone is liking his smell, which is determined in part by an immune system molecule called MHC.
People tend to be attracted to partners with MHC types that are dissimilar from their own, probably because this would give their offspring a greater chance of survival by creating a diversified immune system. The pill, however, puts the body into a hormonal state similar to pregnancy — and pregnant women tend to prefer MHC scents that are similar to their own, probably because this would make them feel safe and comfortable around supportive relatives.
That means that if you're taking the pill, you may be more likely to find attractive men whose MHC is similar to your own — but during your regular cycle, these men might seem less your "type."
Indeed, during their most fertile phase, women tend to be drawn to more dominant, masculine men who are more likely to be unfaithful. In contrast, during the second part of their cycle, when they could already be pregnant, they are more attracted to calmer, more nurturing types.
[/box]
I'm sure there are many, many factors involved with attraction, sexual satisfaction and relationships ... taking the pill is only one of many influences. Nevertheless, this is pretty interesting research and I'll be watching to see what else the research may reveal.
Read the entire article here: How the Pill Affects Sexual Satisfaction, Lasting Marriage
- Candice
Monday, October 17, 2011
Newsworthy Sex: Potential infection exposure at Ottawa medical facility
Have you heard?
Nearly 7,000 people in the Ottawa area will be receiving letters informing them that they may have been exposed to HIV, Hep B and Hep C during procedures at a local (non-hospital) medical facility.
Yikes!
According to Ottawa Public Health (OPH) and Ottawa's medical officer of health (Isra Levy), there are currently no known infections resulting from "lapses in infection control" at the medical facility. At this point, the facility remains unnamed, although it's been referred to as a non-hospital medical facility. Also unspecified are the "lapses in infection control" which took place - though Levy did say that "there are a number of reasons why problems arise including the improper cleaning of equipment and inadequate sterilization" (CBC News).
Adding to the apparent list of unknowns - Ottawa Public Health isn't sure when the issue began or for how long it went on, which is why so many people are being contacted regarding potential exposure. Again, it's been made clear that at this point there are no known infections resulting from this potential exposure.
I'd hate to be in the line of fire on this one!
You can read more about this by clicking the links below:
CBC News: Ottawa says 6,800 exposed to infection risk
Fox News: Nearly 7,000 may have been exposed to HIV at Ottawa Medical Facility
More information should be available next week -- stay tuned!
Nearly 7,000 people in the Ottawa area will be receiving letters informing them that they may have been exposed to HIV, Hep B and Hep C during procedures at a local (non-hospital) medical facility.
Yikes!
According to Ottawa Public Health (OPH) and Ottawa's medical officer of health (Isra Levy), there are currently no known infections resulting from "lapses in infection control" at the medical facility. At this point, the facility remains unnamed, although it's been referred to as a non-hospital medical facility. Also unspecified are the "lapses in infection control" which took place - though Levy did say that "there are a number of reasons why problems arise including the improper cleaning of equipment and inadequate sterilization" (CBC News).
Adding to the apparent list of unknowns - Ottawa Public Health isn't sure when the issue began or for how long it went on, which is why so many people are being contacted regarding potential exposure. Again, it's been made clear that at this point there are no known infections resulting from this potential exposure.
I'd hate to be in the line of fire on this one!
You can read more about this by clicking the links below:
CBC News: Ottawa says 6,800 exposed to infection risk
Fox News: Nearly 7,000 may have been exposed to HIV at Ottawa Medical Facility
More information should be available next week -- stay tuned!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Hey, Ontario! Are you voting for homophobia?
I'm warning you now - this post is going to be a rant. It's full of my opinions, and you are welcome to agree or disagree -- but please do so respectfully. Leave a comment, send me a message, sign up for my feed, share with others ... whatever you do, I ask you to read what I've said, think about it, and make your own decision.
For those of you living in Ontario, you will understand what I'm talking about; those of you living outside of Ontario, the essential knowledge is this:
Back to my rant ...
Recently, a document was released which has been written for the Toronto District School Board (TDSB), entitled "Challenging Homophobia and Heterosexism: A K-12 Curriculum Resource Guide." As the name suggests, this resource guide (NOT curriculum -- a distinction the Conservatives apparently failed to notice) was written to support TDSB teachers and educators in battling homophobia and heterosexism. In the wake of all the recent LGBT teen suicides, you'd think that supporting the school board in challenging homophobia would be a good thing. Apparently not, to the Conservatives at least.
In response to this guide, the Conservatives have released an inaccurate, over-dramatized and anti-gay flyer, which they distributed, in English and Punjabi, throughout the GTA. The flyer claims the quote "cross dressing for six-year olds" is in the anti-homophobia document - which it isn't. The flyer also claims that these quotes are pulled from the proposed 2010 Health and Physical Education Curriculum -- which they aren't.
The central message on the flyer is "Don't want this for your kids? Parents don't have a say" - reflecting the suggestion of newsletters over permission slips. The resource guide suggests that, rather than sending home permission slips, teachers and educators send home newsletters outlining the topics to be discussed in the upcoming months.
As a sexuality educator, I agree with this move, because it allows for a natural and comfortable discussion with students - without the potential drama, overreaction and removal of students from the classroom - that can happen with permission slips. Y'know ... "Oh my goodness, they're talking about sex next week -- no way is my child going to learn about that!!!"
In other (slightly less dramatic) words -- sexuality is natural and part of every single human, whether they are six or 60 -- and curiosity about sexuality is just as natural. Let the kids get the facts about sexuality -- including the fact that homosexuality and sexual diversity is natural -- from someone!
Here's an idea ... Let's try to raise kids who don't bully LGBT youth to the point of suicide ... kids who don't hate themselves for being LGBT ... kids who are allowed to be themselves, even in school. Let's offer a safe space where kids have someone to talk to, whether they are gay, lesbian, trans, queer, questioning, straight, 2 spirited ... let's provide education and support to the educators and staff in schools, so they have enough knowledge and comfort to offer that safe space.
Wow, what a concept!
Naturally, Hudak didn't respond to questions or criticism about the flyer ... instead, he referred to the controversial 2010 Health and Physical Education curriculum, which, unfortunately, didn't make the cut after Conservative attacks and misinformed parental outcry. I remember it well - and I'm providing a link to the curriculum for your reading (see below). In the event that you don't want to read the whole thing, I have spent some time copying and pasting the "Human Development and Sexual Health" excerpts on this page. And because Hudak refers to the "McGuinty agenda" of teaching sex ed to grade 1 students, I've included that below:
[box]
Grade 1
C1 - Understanding Health Concepts
C1.3: Identify body parts, including genitalia (e.g. penis, testicles, vagina, vulva), using correct terminology
Teacher prompt: “We have talked about the body parts that everyone has. What body parts do only boys have and what body parts do only girls have?”
Student: “Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.”
Teacher: “We talk about these body parts, like all body parts, with respect.”
Page 81
C 2 - Making Healthy Choices
C2.5: demonstrate an understanding of and apply proper hygienic procedures for protecting their own health and preventing the transmission of disease to others (e.g., washing hands with soap, using a tissue, sleeve sneezing, brushing and flossing teeth, not sharing hats or hairbrushes)
Teacher prompt: “Why is it important to wash your hands before you eat and after you use the washroom?”
Student: “Washing your hands helps to stop germs from spreading. We should wash with warm water and soap for as long as it takes to say the alphabet.”
Page 83
[/box]
Imagine that ... teaching first graders the proper names for their body parts, along with proper hygiene. What horrors do the Liberals have lined up next? Acknowledging that almost all people - including LGBTQ people - have sex? Talking about safer sex and preventing the spread of disease? Yikes!
The flyer:
So, Ontario, are you voting for homophobia? Are you voting for the anti-gay agenda of Tim Hudak and the Conservatives?
I'm not.
- Candice
Referenced in this post:
Challenging Homophobia and Heterosexism Final 2011
2010 Proposed Health and Physical Education Curriculum
CBC News: Ontario PCs grilled over flyer called anti-gay
For those of you living in Ontario, you will understand what I'm talking about; those of you living outside of Ontario, the essential knowledge is this:
- Ontario is currently in the midst of a Provincial election campaign - voting day is this Thursday, Oct 6.
- While there are multiple parties running in the election, the two leaders are the Liberals, led by Dalton McGuinty (currently in power) and the Conservatives, led by Tim Hudak. At this point it's looking like a tight race.
- This past weekend, Conservative supporters in the GTA (Greater Toronto Area) handed out flyers about which I am writing this post; you can view the flyer at the end of this article, along with the Toronto District School Board document and the proposed 2010 Health and Physical Education Curriculum.
Back to my rant ...
Recently, a document was released which has been written for the Toronto District School Board (TDSB), entitled "Challenging Homophobia and Heterosexism: A K-12 Curriculum Resource Guide." As the name suggests, this resource guide (NOT curriculum -- a distinction the Conservatives apparently failed to notice) was written to support TDSB teachers and educators in battling homophobia and heterosexism. In the wake of all the recent LGBT teen suicides, you'd think that supporting the school board in challenging homophobia would be a good thing. Apparently not, to the Conservatives at least.
In response to this guide, the Conservatives have released an inaccurate, over-dramatized and anti-gay flyer, which they distributed, in English and Punjabi, throughout the GTA. The flyer claims the quote "cross dressing for six-year olds" is in the anti-homophobia document - which it isn't. The flyer also claims that these quotes are pulled from the proposed 2010 Health and Physical Education Curriculum -- which they aren't.
The central message on the flyer is "Don't want this for your kids? Parents don't have a say" - reflecting the suggestion of newsletters over permission slips. The resource guide suggests that, rather than sending home permission slips, teachers and educators send home newsletters outlining the topics to be discussed in the upcoming months.
"sending a school newsletter home at the beginning of each term is a best practice for keeping parents/guardians/caregivers informed of all upcoming equity topics in the classroom without having to single out one topic over the other."
(Challenging Homophobia, 2011)
As a sexuality educator, I agree with this move, because it allows for a natural and comfortable discussion with students - without the potential drama, overreaction and removal of students from the classroom - that can happen with permission slips. Y'know ... "Oh my goodness, they're talking about sex next week -- no way is my child going to learn about that!!!"
In other (slightly less dramatic) words -- sexuality is natural and part of every single human, whether they are six or 60 -- and curiosity about sexuality is just as natural. Let the kids get the facts about sexuality -- including the fact that homosexuality and sexual diversity is natural -- from someone!
Here's an idea ... Let's try to raise kids who don't bully LGBT youth to the point of suicide ... kids who don't hate themselves for being LGBT ... kids who are allowed to be themselves, even in school. Let's offer a safe space where kids have someone to talk to, whether they are gay, lesbian, trans, queer, questioning, straight, 2 spirited ... let's provide education and support to the educators and staff in schools, so they have enough knowledge and comfort to offer that safe space.
Wow, what a concept!
Naturally, Hudak didn't respond to questions or criticism about the flyer ... instead, he referred to the controversial 2010 Health and Physical Education curriculum, which, unfortunately, didn't make the cut after Conservative attacks and misinformed parental outcry. I remember it well - and I'm providing a link to the curriculum for your reading (see below). In the event that you don't want to read the whole thing, I have spent some time copying and pasting the "Human Development and Sexual Health" excerpts on this page. And because Hudak refers to the "McGuinty agenda" of teaching sex ed to grade 1 students, I've included that below:
[box]
Grade 1
C1 - Understanding Health Concepts
C1.3: Identify body parts, including genitalia (e.g. penis, testicles, vagina, vulva), using correct terminology
Teacher prompt: “We have talked about the body parts that everyone has. What body parts do only boys have and what body parts do only girls have?”
Student: “Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.”
Teacher: “We talk about these body parts, like all body parts, with respect.”
Page 81
C 2 - Making Healthy Choices
C2.5: demonstrate an understanding of and apply proper hygienic procedures for protecting their own health and preventing the transmission of disease to others (e.g., washing hands with soap, using a tissue, sleeve sneezing, brushing and flossing teeth, not sharing hats or hairbrushes)
Teacher prompt: “Why is it important to wash your hands before you eat and after you use the washroom?”
Student: “Washing your hands helps to stop germs from spreading. We should wash with warm water and soap for as long as it takes to say the alphabet.”
Page 83
[/box]
Imagine that ... teaching first graders the proper names for their body parts, along with proper hygiene. What horrors do the Liberals have lined up next? Acknowledging that almost all people - including LGBTQ people - have sex? Talking about safer sex and preventing the spread of disease? Yikes!
The flyer:
So, Ontario, are you voting for homophobia? Are you voting for the anti-gay agenda of Tim Hudak and the Conservatives?
I'm not.
- Candice
Referenced in this post:
Challenging Homophobia and Heterosexism Final 2011
2010 Proposed Health and Physical Education Curriculum
CBC News: Ontario PCs grilled over flyer called anti-gay
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