An interesting photo

This photo is circulating around Facebook right now, and I found it to be quite interesting. For one, it is a fascinating image of something I've never seen before - a pregnant uterus, removed from the mother's body and containing the fetus. It also depicts the stark contrast between the surgeon and the fetus, as shown by the tiny hand outside of the womb.

It's also interesting because the story posted along with it on Facebook - although touching - seems to be mostly false. I strive to be accurate in everything I post on this site, so I did a little digging (really, googling the fetus' name isn't difficult) and came up with a few stories about it.

Here is what I gather to be accurate about this photo:

It was taken during "a pioneering surgical procedure performed on August 19, 1999, to fix the spina bifida lesion of a 21-week-old fetus in the womb. The operation was performed by a surgical team at Vanderbilt University in Nashville. The team, Dr. Joseph Bruner and Dr. Noel Tulipan, had been developing a technique for correcting certain fetal problems in mid-pregnancy. Their procedure involved temporarily opening the uterus, draining the amniotic fluid, partially extracting and performing surgery on the tiny fetus, and then restoring the fetus to the uterus back inside the mother." (Samuel Armas, 2011)

While the popular story claims that the fetus reached his hand out of the womb and grasped the hand of the surgeon as though "thanking him for the gift of life", reports indicate that the surgeon himself contradicted this:

"The baby did not reach out," Dr Bruner said. "The baby was anesthetized. The baby was not aware of what was going on."

He also stated, “Depending on your political point of view, this is either Samuel Armas reaching out of the uterus and touching the finger of a fellow human, or it’s me pulling his hand out of the uterus … which is what I did.” (Samuel Armas, 2011)

I leave it up to you to decide what you want to believe, but please note:

I am not using this photograph to endorse any agenda or specific perspective. I am not using it to try to prove or argue anything - especially not from an anti-abortion/pro-life standpoint. I'm posting it because I found it interesting, because I like the photograph, and because I want to discuss it.

[caption id="attachment_1960" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Samuel Alexander Armas, 1999"][/caption]

- Candice

Birth Control Pill Recall

Although brief, this article interested me because it shows just how important clear packaging is to properly using the Pill. After all, the 3% failure rate isn't due to the pill itself - it's due to human error, such as forgetting to take the pill or failing to take it at the same time each day.

[caption id="attachment_1241" align="alignleft" width="199" caption=""The Pill""][/caption]

If simple human error results in a 3% failure rate, I can only imagine what the potential failure rate would be in the case of a mistake like this - wherein the affected pills were put into faulty packaging. Although the pills themselves are completely up to par, the packaging was accidentally turned sideways, so that the lot number, expiry date, and labelled days of the week were no longer visible. Yikes!

The pharmaceutical company, Qualitest, has voluntarily recalled the affected pills. You can read the whole article and access the affected lot #'s here.

Remember, taking the pill at the same time of the day, every day = less risk of unintended pregnancy!

- Candice

Another gay teen suicide - RIP Jamey

Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14 year old boy from New York, is dead. He committed suicide after being bullied over his sexuality. This is such a devastating story; another young person who was bullied and received so much hate that he couldn't see another way out.

A few months ago, Jamey posted a video for The It Gets Better Project. As the bullying continued, Jamey posted several more messages on YouTube and his blog, talking about his suicidal feelings and the abuse he was experiencing. Tragically, he hid what was going on from his parents, who were supportive of him and had enrolled him in counselling. I can only imagine how it felt to find his body outside of their family home on Monday.

I'm so angry and sad about this, I don't know what else to say.  So instead of rambling on, here is an excerpt from the article on "The Telegraph" where I first read about this tragedy.

Anonymous commenters were posting abusive messages under posts Jamey had made to Formspring, a social networking site, where he continued to discuss his unhappiness.

 

"Jamie is stupid, fat, gay and ugly. He must die!," one post said. Another read: "I wouldn't care if you died. No one would. So just do it :) It would make everyone WAY more happier!"

 

In an online posting earlier this month, Jamey wrote: "I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens. What do I have to do so people will listen to me?"

 

The day before, he wrote: "No one in my school cares about preventing suicide" and reminded his readers that it was national suicide prevention week. He then posted the lyrics to a song by the group Hollywood Undead, which read: "I just wanna say good bye, disappear with no one knowing".

 

On Sunday, Jamey made two final posts to one of his blogs – one saying he was looking forward to seeing his late great grandmother, and another in tribute to Lady Gaga, his favourite singer, who inspired him with her anthem to self-confidence "Born This Way". His body was found on Monday.

- Jon Swaine, New York (The Telegraph)

You can read the full article by clicking here: Boy, 14, found dead over gay bullying

Please spread the word about this most recent and devastating teen suicide.

Below I've listed a number of resources and helplines available to teens facing bullying, and LGBTQ youth in particular.  Please support these organizations however you can, whether by donating funds, taking a pledge or simply sharing a link to their site.

Thank you.

- Candice

YouthLine(Canadian) - 1 800 268 9688

PFLAG Canada

The It Gets Better Project

The Trevor Project (US) - 1 866 488 7386

PostSecret (not an LGBT specific site, but definitely excellent)

GLAAD

Sex Ed Central - Education Central

Moving forward in a seriously SEXY way!

I am really, really happy with the new website. The new layout and new functionality has made it easier than ever for me to add content and expand the information and resources available throughout the site. As well, I am pleased to announce that my new mobile site is under development; I'll let you know when it's ready! All of my website work, including the mobile site, is thanks to Analyzed Marketing Solutions. Check them out to learn about all of the services they offer, including web development, mobile websites, QR codes, Google Places and Facebook Fan Pages!

You may have already noticed that I've added lots of new content to the site over the past few weeks. Education Central has really grown, and now features articles on various sex-related topics (e.g. relationships, sexual health, contraceptives and LGBTQ). I've also added links to some great videos, and the selection is expanding! If you're interested in some great reading on the topic of sexuality, check out my suggested reading page (also expanding!) -- and feel free to make suggestions of your own!

I have several great posts and articles in development so don't forget to subscribe to the mailing list by entering your email (to the right of this post on Sex Ed Central). We'll never send you spam or give away any of your info, and you'll receive an email every time I make a new blog post!

I'm looking forward to meeting your sex education needs!

Candice :)

 

Newsworthy Sex: Mistrial for young man who shot gay classmate

I’m currently working nights, which gives me ample time to peruse the internet for newsworthy sex and interesting articles to comment on. This post is the result of said perusal, and considering I wrote it at 3am on my iPhone, I think it has turned out pretty well. I’d also like to give credit to the app News360 for bringing my attention to so much great news. This particular post is about an article posted on "The Daily Mail" website; you can read the full article here.

The article is about the trial of a young man, (now) 17 year old Brandon McInerey. Three years ago, McInerey took a gun to school and shot 15 year old Larry King twice in the back of the head, in front of classmates. King was openly gay.

This appears to be a highly sensationalized trial. McInerey has been said to adopt a "white supremacist philosophy that sees homosexuality as an abomination" (The Daily Mail). He had previously been heard making death threats against the victim and is reported to have told a psychologist that he “wanted to kill Larry after he passed McInerey in a school hallway and said “What’s up, baby?”” (The Daily Mail).

There are many areas of this article and this devastating situation which I could pick apart, but there is one quotation which really jumped out at me:

"The school administration was accused of being more concerned about defending Larry’s civil rights than recognizing his behaviour and clothes.

His high heels, makeup and feminine clothing made other students uncomfortable."

 (The Daily Mail)

Yes, the accused was clearly made uncomfortable by the victim's clothing/makeup/behaviour. That sucks, and I can see both sides ... On one hand, there’s a young man (King) who wanted to express himself and dress in a way that reflected who he was. This, for him, meant makeup, high heels and feminine clothing. On the other hand, there’s a young man (McInerey) who was uncomfortable with homosexuality (in general) and his peer (specifically). While I don't agree with homophobia in any way/shape/form, I accept that it often stems from fear and ignorance. As well, I believe that having a "gut reaction" (eg discomfort with King's clothing and makeup) is natural and that even wonderful and loving people are entitled to their squeamish feelings (it's what they do with those feelings that really counts).


What it comes down to, unfortunately, is simple: a young gay teen was shot in the back of the head by a peer, in a crime that appears to be motivated by homophobia and hate. That isn't the fault of the school administration. Hell, at least the admin was trying to protect King's civil rights. At least they were allowing him to express himself and to be himself. Many school admins are way over on the other end of the field, openly homophobic and doing whatever they can to push a homophobic agenda (such as quash GSAs (gay-straight alliances) and preventing gay kids from taking their partners to prom).

It's not the fault of the admin that McInerey was uncomfortable, or that he made threats, or that he brought a gun to school and shot King. The administration did their part, they stepped up and tried to do the progressive and accepting thing, and I think it’s unreasonable and unfair to try to shift the blame for this killing to them.

I'm not saying that anyone - victim included - is completely innocent. I wasn't there, I don't know exactly what happened ... but I think it must be acknowledged that McInerey told the psychologist that he wanted to kill King after King said "What's up baby?" to him. (I'm also wondering ... what did the psychologist do with this information?) It seems, from the information I have, that King knew McInerey was uncomfortable around him, and this statement could be seen as an effort to increase that discomfort. Sexual harassment goes in every direction.

I repeat - and please don't misunderstand what I'm saying - I am not condoning what happened or any of the homophobia running wild in this case. But we need to look at the whole situation, including King’s actions and the role they may have played in triggering McInerey to "snap".

Honestly, I don't have much of an opinion about the issue mistrial in this case. It seems to be a matter of deciding whether to convict him of manslaughter or murder, and if murder, what degree. Yes, it was premeditated. Clearly McInerey felt provoked, and I repeat, there is absolutely no excuse for what he did. There had been ongoing issues between the boys which may or may not have been addressed (perhaps this is a failure on the part of the administration?). Regardless, a young man was murdered by a schoolmate who was homophobic and dealt with his anger at his peer by shooting him in the head.

And that's very sad. :(

Thoughts?

Threesome anyone?

I've said before - I am an avid Savage Love reader; I read the column every Wednesday and I peruse the Savage Love Letter of the Day app on my iPhone on a near-daily basis. Today I came across this letter, which fits in nicely with some of the other posts I've made about nonmonogamy and open relationships.

Disclaimer: I didn't write any of this -- it's entirely copied and pasted from the original Savage Love letter. The first box is the initial letter to Dan, and the second is Dan's response. Enjoy!

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A Successful Threesome

I am a straight woman who has been in a monogamous relationship with the same man for almost five years. He's absolutely gorgeous, and he's British, and he makes a decent living, so I've always known he wouldn't have trouble attracting the opposite sex (or the same sex, for that matter!). I, on the other hand, while admittedly pretty, am not exactly a knockout like he is. It's taken some work to get over my insecurities about that, but I've long been confident that he's really into me, so now that's a non-issue.

Three months ago my boyfriend confessed that he wanted to have a FFM threesome. At first I was horrified at the idea. He wanted to fuck other women. He wanted to act on the impulse to fuck other women. What if he wanted someone prettier than me? What if she was better in bed than me? How could be have a functioning relationship if we had sex with another person? Wouldn't it demean our own sexual relations, become a black cloud hanging over the rest of our relationship?

Then I took a deep breath and remembered your column. I remembered what you had to say about men and women and desires and your own experiences with threesomes. I came to realize two more things.

First of all, if he wanted to fuck other women, he could have done that and not told me; he had come to me to tell me that while he wanted to fuck another woman, he wanted to fuck another woman with me. If we worked hard to be honest about our feelings and communicate our needs and insecurities, this could turn into a another thing that we did together. In fact, if we focused on communication, honesty, and trust having a threesome could possibly strengthen our relationship.
Second of all, I realized that even if this wasn't my favorite fantasy—or even a fantasy of mine at all—I could still make my pleasure a priority. I consider myself to be straight (as in I'd never wanted to have sex with a woman before and probably could never sustain a romantic relationship with another woman) but lesbian porn (well done lesbian porn) could get me off. If my boyfriend wanted to have sex with another woman, and wanted me to be there, then I could use this as an opportunity to try something intriguing and new. This didn't need to be just about him having sex with another woman—it could be about both of us having sex with another woman.

So I agreed to a threesome with some ground rules. I wanted us to find a woman to have sex with together. I wanted her to be bisexual; I didn't want to have a threesome with another straight girl, and I wasn't sure if a lesbian would have sex with my boyfriend. I wanted to be a part of the threesome at all times, which meant that we had to discuss what would happen if he and she began to do something (coming up with ideas beforehand was incredibly helpful). Most of all, I did not want my boyfriend to have penetrative sex with the woman—no vaginal, anal, or oral sex. Plus, I wanted us to be open to having a MMF threesome sometime down the road. Setting these boundaries help me feel as if I had control of the situation; my boyfriend's agreement to comply with my ground rules proved to me how much he loved me and wanted me to.

We decided, pretty quickly, to hire a woman to have a threesome with us. After a little bit of searching we found—and agreed upon—a local bisexual escort. She was quite lovely, and she advertised that she had experience with threesomes, so I felt like she'd focus on both of us, and not just him, which was my biggest fear.

We rented a lovely room at a posh hotel. We made reservations for the two of us to have dinner after the threesome—we gave the threesome a time period of about three hours. And then the day came, the woman arrived at our hotel room, and my boyfriend and I had a wonderful time together. We staid attentive to each others needs, the escort did a good job of showing interest in both of us, and the sex was great. Now we've agreed to make this a yearly tradition for us, possibly with the same woman.

Better yet, this whole experience strengthened our relationship. We're now closer than ever, and the memory of the threesome is not some black cloud hanging over us every time we kiss or hug or have sex. In fact, remembering the threesome together gets us both pretty hot, and before we know it we're having more fantastic sex.

I decided to write you this ridiculously long email (which I have no idea if you'll even read, I know you get a lot) because, if I didn't read your column, and if I had never heard your humorous, matter-of-fact sex advice, I wouldn't have been able to have a threesome with my boyfriend. (On another note: I'd probably still feel like a freak for being a woman who loves watching porn, both alone and with her boyfriend.) Your column and your writing helped give me the smarts and the confidence to be (and enjoy being) a GGG girlfriend. I can't put into words how thankful I am that I began reading your column several years ago, or how thankful I am that you take the time and effort to write your column, because it (and you) help so many people become better, happier versions of themselves. I am so happy in my relationship with my boyfriend right now, Dan, and while it's largely thanks to us I know your column has played a part in bettering our relationship too.

Sincerely,

Grateful Gushing Girlfriend

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Thanks for sharing, GGG, and congratulations. It sounds like you two did absolutely everything right: you hashed out all the details, you set ground rules advance, and you hired a pro instead of waiting years for an unattached bi girl/unicorn to come along. I'm posting your entire letter to the blog, long though it is, because people rarely hear from committed couples who've had successful FFM MMF threesomes. Lots of people are convinced that threesomes destroy relationships because the only threesomes they ever hear about are the disasters, i.e. the ones that came immediately before a breakup, threesomes that are rightly or wrongly blamed for a breakup that was probably coming anyway. And since most people in stable relationships want to be perceived as monogamous even when they're not, people aren't generally aware of all the threesomes their presumed-to-be-monogamous friends have had.

Thanks again for sharing.

originally posted on 16 MARCH, 2010

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